love saturdays..

Hello guys.. just to clarify things.. im not BLACK!!! I’m tanned… it was a friggin disease… seriously… I wasn’t black from birth.. it was the things I did…

Well.. today was really fun :) slept abt 3am… woke up about 620.. then went to nicholas’s and went for parade.. it was super fun.. had a skit on the parable the good Samaritan then we had games and skipped platoons~! With a huge rope.. until I got blister on my finger.. :( so painful… then we had this really interesting catching game la.. hahah team 1 won!! YES AH!! then we headed to classrooms where there were different tasks to do.. nicholas’s was lift a person with a few ppl using 2 fingers each.. mind was mad scientist.. suppose to make marshellow structures out of only with communication.. but failed.. so we improvised and played charades :D then the last was to pour water from a cup using only twine.. lols… suppperrr tired now… after parade I rushed to vista to buy lunch for my AQ boys.. havoc… 19packs..omg.. then rushed back.. for AQ!

We had sport training of basketball ans soccer followed by a 3.2km timed run.. and gym.. I had to leave after running cuz I had to go church.. so I went to shower and the feeling was GOOOD.. went to yishun to meet Nicholas then strode over to church.. legs damn pain.. sad.. went ot BK to eat and DG was really great.. I found that what ching kit had experience was actually a calling to me…

What ching kit said was.. he lost a patient and he was experiencing bad times… his week was crappy.. he could not priortise his work from family to his gf.. but he still sacrificed for US! How can someone be so selfless… I cant.. after all the hurt.. I’m just not able to pull it off anymore.. when I put others before me, I feel trampled and crushed.. super tired.. so God told him.. do you trust me? have I been good to you? Like dohh.. but from there I dunno wat to do.. things has been rough.. its been 10days since that time… I still cant let go.. when I look at it.. I just crumble.. I just dun show it cuz I am really super soft inside… Nicholas would know… how I wish he could talk to me now.. but he have to sleep.. so im emptying all ny hearts contents here… please do not read anymore.. I just need something to pour out on.. God? Will u listen to my words? Ching kit said we had to understsand god’s plans for us and make effort t to know what he wants us to do in life and what is our purpose.. if he laid it out simple and clear for me, I would follow… BUT!!! IM GIVEN FREE WIILLL!! I DUN WANT IT!!! I just want to follow your plans.. I really give up… im facing so much crap now…

Firstly I had the incident where I was so close to being nullified.. secondly I was broken.. thirdly… I just cannot ttrust… I cannot forget.. im struggling now.. someone throw me a life bouy.. u know what sucsk the most? After knowing all these bad things.. he HAD to let CSM talk to me… I felt so happy and I laughed so much… I felt special and for someone that I crushed on sudden talk to me so friendly its really ughhh… what’s going on… I just dunno what to do… I dunno if I should reply this text msg… firstly.. I do know want to be broken and making me feel better really isn’t helping… I dun wanna be friends.. I cant understand it at all… what exactly do I want.. but its still my NATURE! BECAUSE ITS HER!!! , I cannot bear to leave her hanging like that.. after all that… ppl apologized to me.. felt like crying.. uhh.. really.. I am juswhen i looked at her standing in the canteen looking at me ( im not sure whether.. my heart went out to hers..aaahhhh!!!!!! WHYWHYWH!!!!!! WHY!!!

Hope tmr will be a great day.. the BB vesper has always brought me comfort and I just love the song…

Great God who knowest all our needs, bless thou our watch and guard our sleep

Forgive our sins of thoughts and deeds, and in thy peace thy servant keep
We thank thee for the day that’s done, we trust thee for the days to be..
Thy love we learn in Christ thy son, oh may we all his glory see…
Amen..