Trust in the trust that you've yet to trust

I can't say how distracted I was about the project I had but I really had.. Zero studying.. Ahahah! Mental flu every morning.. Zone out.. Msg her.. Go home

After reaching home we so happen to meet and I really had a great time with her.. We did things and talked about some things.. I'm still able to read her and she is just so nice to accommodate to me.. Worrying about me.. Caring for me and even remembering things that she told me that might hurt me.. Though we speak differently, our minds are like joint.. She doesn't have to say things. I already know :)

Hope it goes well.. Take all the time you need.. I'll be waiting for your answer!

That mini heart attack

Today was a quite a productive day.. I've got to stay longer at the library.. Hahah. I've got much to do there now.. Studies quite abit.. Tmr I shall have a crack at departure and rejoining circuits.. 8components.. I can do it..

After work somehow managed to catch liying and she caught up with Jackie.. At the point of time. I didn't know what to feel and got very confused.. I felt like I was pushing her away.. But.. I didn't like it.. At all.. After Jackie left.. I began to think about some answers and my actions.. I didn't feel proud of it.. I wanted to apologize.. But it was way too awkward.. She wore something I like.. But my uniform.. Last warning..

I'm now thinking of that outcomes of staying friends.. Friendzone- Friday.. I wanna tell her.. But I don't wanna bug her about my worry wuss.. I gotto let go of it.. I trust her.. I have faith in her.. Time to let go..

Kueh

Today I had a NE Tour which wasn't so bad.. Just I was reaally really tired.. But things changed when she called during lunch.. So happy to hear her voice :)

We ended a lil early so I tot of surprising her at nuh.. Bought some kueh for her and went to the playground to share it.. She's really a very unique girl.. So simple and someone that I'll be willing to share everything with. After finishing we say there and I really just enjoyed her company and the contact we had..

Hope she liked it ;)

The best Sunday I've ever had

Today was really tired by service time but I still played. I find it really hard to focus on God because all I can think of is meeting after lunch.. Eventually that part came and I really got into one song..

We met at macdonalds and went to eat at manhatten.. After which we walked around.. Looked for a pen and then we went to her mystery day! I had no idea where we were going but when we took 855, I was really happy and excited! I had no idea where we were going and I kinda learned from that :) I'm thinking of what I can do for valentines.. I'm guessing the best would be home cooked :) I don't like mainstream stuff.. We went to eat ice cream at scoopz! For some reason, I am able to pick up her cues really easily.. Like when she wants to pay for the meal but say she wants to go toilet and like where we were stopping for dessert is something we developed really fast! We talked alot about our status.. Tell stories.. Laughed alot.

I had to use the bathroom after awhile and when I came back is saw this mysterious lookin book in my bag.. Then to my astonishment.. She made me a planner.. Within so few days.. I was so touched that I really felt if I opened it on the spot I would break down.. But I waited awhile to gain some composure then I looked.. The first page was enough to bring me to tears.. Never had I received something so grand.. I'll treasure it forever ;) thank you!!

Went to fat boys for dinner and had a nice long talk there.. Taking the bus we had alot of physical contact.. I really liked it alot.. :P I like it when she holds me and leans toward me.. It's very comforting :) we went sunplaza to finish up her work and I studied a little then we went home :)

Sorbet: sorebird? Sore-bee? HAHAHAH!

Bummer

I realized the only thing I have physically with me when I'm down is my guitar.. Just her melodies can drown sorrow or turn anger into happiness!

Just came back from a buffet smelling like a xiao long bao! Pretty awesome dinner we had :) missed everyone.. Too bad we can't have as much fun as we did before.. After sending everyone home I guess things went a little down hill..

I find that I'm selfish.. I want to do things however I do it while considering others feelings and I don't push it across forcefully and make it sound like the other persons choice.. I am very vexed.. Messed up and now pretty much broken.. One side she's really caring for my feelings. Another side she doesn't want to take pictures with me.. I cannot understand.. Must I put It across as bright as day? I need answers.. I'll worry for everything.. Time hasn't really been on my side.. I hate going to bed feeling like this.. I'll just bury my head in my pillow.. Tears are for the weak.. I've been through tougher times.. Uhhh sergeant!!!

These few weeks has been an emotional roller coaster.. I feel now I should have never developed any feelings.. I might regret it.. I don't want anything anymore.. I just want to hear her voice and see her smile.. Even to the expense of my own happiness.. Is this really what love is? Is it? Is it?!


Lord I come to you, let my heart be changed renewed..

I don't trust anyone so easily anymore

I find that I have deceived myself.. What I'm actually doing.. I'm not sure anymore.. I have to go back.. I've ventured far enough.. I need to walk back and examine myself. What has made me this way? That I have so much worry and distrust in others..
I suddenly realized why I keep only small groups of friends close to me, that's because I lost trust in the world.. And I am feeling devastated..

She doesn't know but I guess it's for the better? To leave silently.. But I guess I never will be able to.. I'm to soft.. She doesn't know or catch hints I throw at her.. But it's alright.. She still tries her best.. I don't think she'll be hurt cuz it's insignificant.. I am..

I have had a pretty wandering day.. I don't know what held me.. But I know where to go.. My lord, my king, my friend my father ;)

Halptch me pleat.. Hahahah! Thank you for everything God.. Tmr is in your hands..

I was still thinking of all the places I wanted to bring her.. It cuts me deep..
HSBC treetop walk
Xiao long bao buffet
Swee chun Dim sum
Swimming lessons
Overseas trips
Running at parks

All these seems like a lost letter now.. I have nothing but tears when I run back to you

Prayer for a friend

Lord I lift my friend to you, my dearest friend I've come to know and she means much more to you. Complicated circumstances have wrapped her from you but lord I lift her up to you. I pray you'll teach me the words and grant me wisdom to the things I say and do. That she will see you in me and accept you one day. Thank you for giving me the enormity of a present as her.

Today I was so tired I couldn't imagine any other worse day.. But we wrapped it up really well.. I really love talking to her at night.. We could go on forever.. Never been like this.. And things in the past pull me back.. And I still have doubts.. But I want to take that chance.. Do I?

It started pretty rough.. It felt like I didn't want to meet.. But in the end I was so happy I did.. She's really nice.. And something I would treasure.. But are things escalating too quickly? We have only time to tell.. But time isn't on our side :(

Shopping!

Today is the 6th time we went out. It's really been so much fun and laughter ever since we met and today was no different. Though at times she goes and speak with her o so many friends.. Leaving me a little awkward and uncomfortable.. The 1-1time We spend us really magical! Skinship was taken in quite early and I like the way we can so freely share about our lives.. I felt abit more significant in her life today and I really feel that I'm gonna miss her

DAY OFF

Tmr I took my leave! Woohoo! So happy! So I woke up 40mins late.. I left the house at 7 and thanks to my dad I was still early!! I really think I should drive.. Save so much time..

Today I finished and concluded my study for chapter 1.. Gonna work on it tmr chapter 2 and tons of revision!

After work I received a cute but sad text n I got really worried.. I dnno why.. But I was compelled to be there.. We had a detective talks and mos before going home and I am now starting to wonder..

Skating with bird tmr! But I'll have errands to run :/ soooo.. I will make something out of it :)

GOODNIGHT

Bird on wheels

Today I went out with Xin Yi to teach her how to skate! And she did it!! So proud of her :) she really learnt well and before I knew it she could balance by herself and move up and down obstacles!

Went to help my mom with some errands.. Fetch her home and fixed dinner with Xin Yi.. Was really fun and she was such a great assistant helping to clean stuff.. Wash dishes and help out in every way she could.. Wee and Sam came and we play LIFE! Was really funny.. Stupid girls..

I'm starting to believe guys really do get more down to their hearts at night.. More thought and emotion..

How she feels

That is basically what I'm thinking about.. Hahah!

I did a great job today! That I feel like goofing off alr.. Studied! Tmr just revise and revise.. After which I will run and gym.. Eat lunch.. Study chapter 2!

Went out for dinner at Hei sushi today! Food was okay.. Company was great :) had many fun conversations and I simply like looking and enjoying the moment :)

The great mystery

This morning I had a really great study session.. Sitting by myself and reading memorizing my notes.. I found it really fun but I got tired after awhile. Normally after lunch I wouldn't be able to study.. But today.. I was granted strength to read and push on for a good 2hours more! Then we got called in :/
I dozed off in the bus all the way to tpy and went to run with Nic hoping he can do better for his napfa test.. An I am very proud of him for he improved a stunning minute faster! I was glad that I could remember my notes and run at the same time :)

I can't understand thoughts.. I think way too much. Does it mean no? Or let's just keep it this way.. I am very troubled.. Sometimes it sparks sometimes it just becomes so friendly.. What so I do now? I was sad when I bid goodnight.. I have a tangled yarn of feelings..

I am an object of wrath by nature.. But He saved me and gave me new life and meaning. Humility, selflessness and a thankful heart

The little moments

BB! It's been so long I've seen my lil kids :) really miss them all.. We ha a great time today! So many alumnus and I learned that trust in God can apply in so many ways!

I'm starting to have little intimate moments with my creator and I am very appreciative of what he has done.. Nervous abt 1month to AGC and yet I trust in Him.. I will prepare well and I wanna thank my DG so much for everything they've done together in my life.. I don't know what I'll be doing now without them.. :)

All I have is nothing but thanks

I really want to thank my parents for being so supportive in everything I have done. They have given me so much and I want to give them all I can.. But can I? The love they've shown me and being so encouraged even by me drinking soup is just so simplicit to make them happy.. What more can I give them? I want to be a good child and I will give them my all :)

Today was quite a successful day! I managed to pop in a event which didn't even exist and I really enjoyed going to dinner making sure there was satisfaction :) I miss the times alr.. However.. I did not study today at ALL and I feel that my priorities were wrong at this point of time..

Had a great run with nick today and I wasn't tired at all.. Why!

God is good

Today I found myself falling.. But when I did.. God came to my rescue.. With something so splendid :)

It's been so long since I've felt this way.. So nervous so shaky.. We had macspicy and fries together.. She taught me how to use my bank book and even waited in line with me.. Such a nice feeling :)

I've been looking back at my photos and I felt so happy with my friends. Good and bad times.. We still stuck to each other..

Today was great! I enjoyed myself alot and I read a really inspiring book! Tmr is OFF! Wooo!!

Something important

I had this really funny feeling today but now it's gone.. I don't know why.. Dear God.. Please help my friends who don't know you :(

Small talk

We get through each day making small talk.. I wonder if it'll actually be even more exciting!

I feel that God has been there for me all this while and I can see his works everyday. Thank you God :)

Today I was really fatigued..

I KNOW YOU

Today I went for pop without any sleep.. Terrible.. Not gonna say why happened but pictures!

Can't really sleep now.. But I'll try :)

AFTC

It is day 1! And I didn't do my quiet time this morning. I want to tmr! Pls body! Wake up! Going to sleep alr!

When I think of going back to AFTC it feels terrible.. But I have to make the best of it :)

Goodbye Eunice! You will be missed dearly by all of us! Hope to see you soon! Hehe! And why Evie ask me that question still has me stumped.. Was there a question that I couldn't find a girlfriend? :( haha!

Anyway.. I find conversations much fun and I wonder what more we can talk about :) gonna finish my book and all my list of to dos before I go off..

Goodnight!